A FLCL fanfic by harukofan.
I stand,in shock,at what I see.
In the Door stood one of the only others who could utilize what’s known as N.O..Ninamori Eri,the Daughter of the former mayor of Mabase.
“Ninamori-san?”
“NO.
WAY.
IN.
FRICKING.
HELL.”
It turns out,she’s delivering my food.
“Holy shit!”
“how’s it been?”
“Oh,O.K. I guess.I’m moving in to this place today.”
she then looks at me with total disdain.she said,sarcastically…
“No,really?I never would have guessed.really,Naota-Bozu(which makes no sense,since we’re the same frigging age…)Must we point out the obvious?”
imitating me now:”‘Well Ninamori-san,I noticed you have breasts.what’s that like?’Are You On Something!?”
I had had it there,but she still had ammo.she paused to reload the Colt Revolver known as her toungue,& continued.
“Why Stop at the obvious?let’s assume!your house is a wreck,so you MUST be cooking up meth!
And Samejima-san has a beer,so she’s obviously a boozer!”
“actually,I am”
“not now,Mamimi-san.Ninamor-”
“You’re male,& live in Japan,so you must be perverted!”
“Ninam-”
“AND HARU-SAN!”she-”
My brain then broke.
Now,it was war.
she was out of ammo,so,mid-reload(figuratively)
I fired
“LEAVE HARU-SAN OUT OF THIS!!!”
I screamed.she was against the wall,rather panicky.
I MAY BE AN IDIOT,BUT YOU HAVE NO DAMN RIGHT TO INSULT THE WOMAN I LOVE,YOU SELF-SERVING BITCH!”
Mamimi-san’s face was blank.Ninamori-san was terrified.
Aww,Takkun still has a place in his heart for me?how sweet.~”
My face was a cross of ecstatic & grim.
with her I found love,but with her came insani-”WAIT!
HOW’D YOU KNOW WHERE I LIVE!?”
“This helped me.”
she then held up,by the scruff of the neck,Miyu Miyu.
“What the ****!?The cat!?”
“yup.”
she was Haruko Haruhara,late twenties,love of my life,all-around psycho.
she levitated outside my third-story window,on a vespa,holding a cat.
she reached through the window & grabbed the Ricks.”grab the flying V.”
“It was destroyed.”
“[sonofa...he's right...]
OK,c’mere,Naota-kun!”
“huh?why?”
I walked up to the window,when Haruko grabbed me by the collar,yanked me by the collar,yanked me on to the vespa,Ninamori- & Mamimi-chan staring on.
“WHAT THE HELL!?”
she turned her head & kissed me on the cheek.
smiling,she said:
“quit panicking.it makes you look like a special-needs child.”
“O-OK.”I said,immeadiately calming,realizing the woman I loved made good on her promise of coming back.
“so,where are we heading?”
“Away.the streets are full of zombies.”
“Zombies?”
“a fuckload of them.”
“oh,SHIT!”
“they’re rampaging the streets,killing & eating.we’re gonna hide with a fat **** named Earl in Pluto’s corn fields using false names.I’ll be Harumi,you’ll be Natao.”
“Why a fat ****?Why Pluto?Why CORN!?”
“In Time,Naota.anyway,after a failed uprising against the corn overlords,we’ll escape to Jupiter on an interstellar train.once they drop the nukes on Earth,you & I shall repopulate the planet through copius,hot,hentai-grade screwing.without those annoying black bars.”
on my face was a cross of confusion,horror & Arousal.blood ran from my nose.
“you don’t believe that bullshit do you?here’s a tissue,don’t bleed on the upholstery.”
I wiped up the noseblood,pulled closer to Haruko,& put my arms around her waist.
“A bit friendly there,Naota?”
“hm?”
“what,is it laundry day?”
“not following here”
“roll of quarters?”
“let’s pretend I’m retarded”
“YOUR ‘HORN’ IS THREE INCHES UP MY ASS,& I’M TRYING TO MOTHERFUCKING DRIVE.LET’S SAVE THE ‘FUN’ FOR LATER”
oh,****,I’m so sorry!” I said,scooting my lower half back,trying to stop thinking about her previous monologue.
“Also,put on this Pink afro wig & hold this rubber chicken.oh,take this helmet.”
“!?Why…!?”
“the wig is ‘cos I’ve always wanted to see you in an ‘fro,rubber chickens are funny,& we’re about to hit a-”
I woke up several hours later,on a desk inside what I assumed to be an office building.
I was (amazingly) unharmed,though I was oddly without pants.
the Vespa was in the water cooler bottle like in those American cartoons.
Haruko was arguing with a corpse about:
“who’s better:the Sex Pistols or the Rolling Stones?”
she was losing the argument.
the cat was licking his balls.
“uh,Haruko?”
“Pyon?Yeah?”
“do you have any,uh,Pants,I can borrow?”
“Actually,yes”
immeadiately I’m handed some rather sexy leather pants.
In order to not chafe,they’re apparently worn without underwear.
whil removing my boxers & pulling on the pants,I said:
“so,what,I’m guessin’ you save hundreds of dollars on underwear?”
she laughed,then said
“so you caught on,eh?oh shit,I’m caught.that is,unless I escape!”
she said,pantomiming running.
“oh,you think you’re so fast?well HEADS UP!”
I jumped & tackled her.we fell to the ground,laughing & screaming like dipshits.And we didn’t care.
when we stopped acting like psychos,I leaned in,& we kissed just as passionately as five years ago.
for all I cared zombies could have invaded.
hell,for all I cared,they couldy nuked right then & there.I would have died happy.
then,on a flickering TV,I saw something that made me wish I chose my words differently.
Holy shit.
zombies in Mabase.
I wonder if Haruko’s offer was still on the table.
end.
