Insomnia's Thread Thing

by **Insomnia** » Tue Sep 01, 2009 5:16 am

I'll post my story here, as well as anything else I come up with. Like art, or poerty. Y'know, stuff by me.

Oh, and as a side-note: None of this will be FLCL related, but I don't think it this thread should go anywhere else.

Anyways, I'm branching off from my short story thingy. I guess I'm writing a novel, even if it is on the internet. I'm not really writing this for any reason other than that it's fun to do, and I like the style. If you don't like it, whatever. It's more for me than you. It's an experiment, to try and figure out a way to write a non-linear story without losing the reader. So there.

P.S. This 'chapter' was limited by jid's imposed word limit. It's a little longer than my last, but it still could have been way longer than this (I had to split it into two chapters). So if things don't make sense yet, blame jid. I'll post the rest some other time. ZOMGNOBODYCARES

by **Insomnia** » Tue Sep 01, 2009 5:16 am

Editing!

by **zilabus** » Tue Sep 01, 2009 5:36 am

Is this a companion to your previous story? And is it after, before, or during the events of it?

by **Insomnia** » Tue Sep 01, 2009 5:41 am

I'm not revealing the timeline.

Then again, I guess it's safe to say this comes before...

And this is a new work, although the short story does have a role to play in it.

But yeah, this is definitely Chapter 1.

by **cd2220** » Tue Sep 01, 2009 6:12 am

that was good, although I saw numerous spelling errors

by **Insomnia** » Tue Sep 01, 2009 6:16 am

Microsoft word lied to me!

Unforgivable!

by **cd2220** » Tue Sep 01, 2009 6:21 am

DAMN YOU BILL GATES, HIRE BETTER SLAVES!

by **Insomnia** » Tue Sep 01, 2009 7:47 am

I'll check it in the morning. I thought I took care of most of the errors, but apparently not.

Most of the grammatical errors are forced, however, to make it seem more like a chain of thought.

by **Insomnia** » Tue Sep 01, 2009 8:31 am

But srsly, guys, I'd love some more feedback. I know I said I was writing this for myself, but any comments or criticism you have would be welcome with open arms. If you liked it, great, tell me what you liked about it. If you disliked it, cool, tell me what you hated and I'll see what I can do.

It's meant to be fun! I know it seems like a dismal story, but its actually enjoyable to write and dream it up, and it's supposed to be enjoyable to read, too. Like a gritty thriller, or a high-paced, dark drama.

by **Insomnia** » Tue Sep 01, 2009 10:05 am

Triple Post!

So I've been reading and re-reading Chapter 1 over and over again, and I finally realized what I don't like about it: I've been using simple writing devices incorrectly. Stuff like transitions, and repetition. It feels kind of like I just wrote bunch of a verbal diarrhea. I'm actually kind of embarassed over the lack of defined narrative.

It might be because it's late, or that I'm running on 4 hours of sleep, but this chapter doesn't meet my standards, so I'm pulling it for the time being to undergo some heavy editing and reworking. Hopefully it'll improve with the extra care and attention.

To those of you that have read it: sorry, I guess. Don't hold it against me. : P

To those of you that haven't: you didn't miss out on much.

by **cd2220** » Tue Sep 01, 2009 5:53 pm

I thought it was quite good, I mean not amazing but good, and If your willing to re-work it, it could be even better....

by **ninamori tsuki** » Wed Sep 02, 2009 11:20 am

everything is jid's fault. . . .T.T

buuuutttt~ it honestly wasn't bad at all. you can't expect to be stephen king rite away. gotta work up to that nonsense. :3

by **Dilan** » Wed Sep 02, 2009 10:15 pm

It Aint your fault jidfurikuri.

by **zilabus** » Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:51 am

It's good, although it has elements that could do with a little re-working. Overall, your basic plot is your strongpoint, but your writing style is a little random and sloppy. And your descriptions and prose are great at points, but non-existant at others.

What I'm saying here is, you have good concepts, and the rest will come naturally as you write more, and revise.

by **Insomnia** » Mon Sep 07, 2009 2:22 am

Shhhiiiiiiiiiittttt!

I just found my muse! Which means I can start writing again!

The thing that I felt my story was lacking was a sense of purpose. There was no meaning to it, no underlying message. Thankfully, though, after much lurking through Destructoid's community blogs, I found a reason to write again. Huzzah!

Also, I've been studying up on writing techniques. I'm mot a newbie at writing - I've actually won some awards for short stories - but I have become a little lazy, and let my passion slide. Hopefully I can get back on the horse. : P

Anyways, thanks for all the comments and advice. I'll most likly have the edited chapter 1 up by the end of the week.

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