FLCL New York

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How would you rate this story so far?

It's great and original, thumbs up sir
10
63%
It's good, I think some parts could be improved
4
25%
SSDD, Like any other fanfic, but I'll read anyway
1
6%
Shit...that's just it, it's poo, I'd rather eat poo
1
6%
 
Total votes : 16

Postby dennis20014 » Thu Oct 02, 2008 4:15 pm

Lol yea I really want to continue it. I have been so busy its retarded. I have to re-read the story I think so I can get stuff fresh in my mind, I know that the thing is like 80 pages long or something last time I had checked. Not that long but it is for me so I want to finish it. It took long enough for me to put Haruko back in, and now I'm wanting to really make her part awesome. But yea, work and college and friends are keeping me busy, but I will make time for this. So hopefully new and old members will take a peak
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Postby Bluerose » Thu Oct 09, 2008 9:41 pm

Please try. I am also making my Fan Fic a total redo. It is going to be in a first person point-of-view, so it will more than likely going to be longer. So good luck to both of us.
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Postby Revenant » Tue Nov 18, 2008 8:56 pm

This is freaking awesome!

Just read all of it in one sitting lol I don't mind the half stage direction half novel thing either, it helps me see how are would picture an episode, which I think is cool.

Please write more! I'll keep reading if you keep writing lol
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Postby dennis20014 » Fri Nov 21, 2008 5:07 am

She eventually gives up.
“Fine! If he don’t want to answer, he can just deal with her then.”

“Deal with who?”

She screams and looks at the kitchen table.
“You! How did you get in here?”

“Through the window,” Haruko says picks her nose. “So, were is he?”

“I told you, I’m not telling you! Now get out of here, you…you”
“Women?”

“Monster!”

“Well excuse me!”

“Get out or I’ll call the police!”

Haruko laughs. Her outfit is a little more modern than her previous ones. She sports a pink polo, and some tan short shorts, along with sandals. Ninamori wonders how she changes all these things. Then again she has no idea who, or more importantly what she really is. Sitting by her feet is a duffle bag.

“Look! Just tell me where he is, I just want to talk to him,” Haruko says trying to keep her cool.

“No! You are a liar!”
“You don’t even know me little girl,” Haruko says smirking

“And I am not a little girl! I’m a..a.”
“Monster?” Haruko gets up and starts to leave towards the door.

“Look I’m leaving ok?” she says catching Ninamori off guard. Ninamori looks down at the floor.

“Hey, don’t forget your bag!” she says angrily, tossing the bag towards her.

Man this thing is heavy

The bag flies through the air and just before it hits Haruko, she back hands the bag straight back at Ninamori. She screams and WHAM! Right in the face. Ninamori falls to the floor, knocked out.

Haruko stands over her grinning, her arms on her hips.

“That went better than expected,” she said picking up her bag and stepping back into the kitchen, over Ninamori’s body.

Now to just call that number back… She presses redial and listens.
Damn…dead line, were are you Takun? I already checked your house, the place was deserted.

“Hmm,” she says looking at the bag in her hand.

Minutes later, Ninamori wakes up and can hear the toilet flushing. Her vision hazy, she glances towards the bathroom door. A few seconds later, the door opens and a figure stands in the light. She can’t make out who it is and isn’t really sure where she is at even.

What…happened…why does my head…

“That bag hit you like a ball from a Louisville,” Haruko said, shutting off the bathroom light. She stepped out into the open, and although Ninamori was still a little uneasy, she could tell Haruko had changed.

She now sports a orange coat, with white sleeves, black leather pants, white gogo boots, a vespa helmet with goggles, and a white scarf. Haruko looks generally the same as usual. She has pink hair, yellow eyes and a great figure. Although her hair is more layered now, and a little bit longer, she looks virtually the same. Even more with her suite. Ninamori tried to move but had difficulty, she finally realized she was tied up.

“Wha…what did you do to me!”

“I tied you up”

“Why!?” Ninamori was furious but it hurt her head to scream. Haurko started slipping on some brown leather gloves.

“Well, you didn’t want to help me, so I figured I’d make sure you didn’t help getting in the way.”

“Leave Naota alone! What do you want from him!”

“Naota!? Hah, well that’s for him to know and you to not!”
“Don’t you dare go near him!”

“Blah blah blah, man you bore me,” Haruko said, tossing her bag by her. “Here, help yourself to my suite.”

“I don’t want your crappy suite! Un tie me!”

“Now I'm off to find Naota, I mean Takun, since that's what he really likes”

“No he doesn't! He hates that, and besides you don’t even know where he is!”

“It’s not hard to find out where a phone number leads,”

“What! No, that’s not where he is, that’s a cell phone!” Ninamori said, trying to lie

“You are a bad liar, ciao!” Haruko slams the door after shutting the lights off. She leaves her tied up by the front door, hardly able to move.

Ninamori starts to hop around the best she can trying to think of a way to get untied. Her headache is bad, but she decides there are bigger matters at hand. Outside she can hear Haruko mumbling something to herself, though she can’t make out what. She gets next to the wall, trying to find a way to push herself up. It’s dark outside now, and she sees some lights shine through the two windows by the door. Then she hears an engine start. She doesn’t pay attention at first but then realizes

“The vespa!” She tries to hop to look outside, but trips and falls slamming against the floor.

“Ow! That bitch! She took the vespa!”

Wow! Haruko thinks to herself This is so easy! She laughs to herself. Strange though…that girl use to be more of a pain when she was younger…why complain though?

As she drifts in thought, a car comes flying up and she screams dodging it.


“What the hell!” The driver of the SUV dodges and starts to go into the ditch but comes back just in time. “Man, what the hell was that?” Mr. Ray says aloud. It looked like a vespa..wait…no way

He brakes and flips a bitch. He floors it down the road, trying to catch up to unknowingly to him, Haruko.

Haruko looks back seeing the car coming up fast. She grins and guns it

A few minutes later Ninamori gets herself untied and turns a light on. She starts to walk into the kitchen, not really sure what to do since Haruko took off with HER vespa.

“Ok ok, think Eri. You need to warn Naota. He won’t answer, cause the phones off the hook. She took your bike so how are you going to get anywhere.” She screams in anger. “Why the hell is she here! And why won’t he answer the phone!”

She tries to get a hold of Naota again but has no luck.
Blah!

She looks at her watch, the matching one she gave Naota, so they would be able to tell what time the other has.

Wait a second…that’s right the time Is different there. No wonder he was passing out! It’s the crack of dawn there!

She looks at the clock on the wall.

6:30. Hmm I guess I’ll wait for awhile. No!

“I can’t wait, I have to find out a way to reach him!” She says walking into the other room and stumbling over the duffle bag.
“Hm? Her bag…”

She sets it on a table in the living room and sits down on the couch. She flips a lamp on and stares at it for a moment. She reaches for it.

“Wait Ninamori, it could be a trap,” she says to herself. She leans over towards the lamp table and opens a drawer. Inside it, she pulls out a case which carries glasses. Putting them as she gets up to go into the bathroom. She grabs a hair tie of the door handle and puts her hair into a pony tail. Her thick purple hair flows down past her shoulders, but not further than her shoulder blades. Walking back into the living room, she sits again just looking at the bag.

She had different clothes before…and she did say something about her suite

“Here help yourself to my suite…” she pictures her saying in her mind.

Well, might as well find out.

She grabs the zipper and opens the bag. She flinches at first expecting something to happen.

Hmm..that’s weird. I was expecting something to jump out…like a robot or something...

She ruffles through it and pulls out a biker suite. It’s lime green with black pockets and looks to be her size.

That’s strange…we can’t be the same size...her boobs are bigger than mine...

She looks through it more and finds some coupons to fast food restraints and other miscellaneous junk.
She picks one of the coupons up reading it aloud.

“Super spicy kuri? 2 for 1?” She glances at the back and then throws it back in the bag. The suite, still sitting out catches her eye again. She looks towards the bathroom.

Hmm..this wife beater is getting on my nerves, and these shorts are a little too boyish for me. Well they are Naota’s after all…yea..I’d love to be in his pants right now…

She has laid down unknowingly, lost in her thoughts of Naota. She comes to and fixes her glasses sitting back up.

She runs into the bathroom and takes her clothes off and slips into the suite. It fits her perfectly. She runs up the stairs into her room and takes a look at herself in her mirror.

Hmm, hey you know I look pretty good..if only, oh!

She takes her glasses off and sets them on the table. She takes out her hair tie and slips it on her wrist. She messes with her hair for a few seconds and then looks at herself again.

“Oh wow, NInamori, lookin good! The suite must adjust to your boos, cause hers are definitely bigger than mine are...unfortunately” she tells herself in both disappointment and excitement. She does some poses, impressed by how good she looks. She feels something push against her hip, and looks down. She notices a bulge coming from her left pocket. Reaching into it, she pulls out a set of keys. Looking at each, three in all, she realizes one is a motorcycle key but isn’t sure what the other two are.

Well, at least I have her bike now, but that still doesn’t explain why she took the Vespa

She looks at her watch again.

“6:50! It hasn’t even been a half an hour!” She frowns for a minute. “Well…I guess I can wait, I mean even if she does know where Naota is..doubtful…she can’t get there in a few hours right? She says walking towards her bed.

She unzips her suite and lets it fall to the floor. She walks to shut her light off, her breasts bouncing as she makes her way across the room. Her matching polka dotted bra and thong, are really thin and virtually her whole ass can be seen bare as she walks back towards the bed.

I’m not tired…but I need to sleep for awhile so he can wake up. Or until someone finds out the phones off the hook

“Naota…naota…what is that noise?” Kamon sits up rubbing his eyes. He looks at the clock and then at Naota half off the other bed, phone in hand. “Ahh..I see. Talking himself to sleep, I remember it so well,” he says in his weird tone. He grabs the phone and puts it back on the ringer. “There…that takes care of the noise.” He looks at Naota, and hears him slightly snoring. He shrugs in a small laugh and lays back down.

He…hasn’t even been gone a day…Ninamori….come on…you don’t really do you…

She lays there, her pussy hot and soaking wet. She wants him…Naota….nao…

Hey Eri...I want you baby... she hears him say...

Yes…yes! Take that you bitch. You see he loves me! And wants me!
She thinks to herself as she orgasms at the same time she pictures Naota doing.

“Really now? Is that why your only touching yourself?” Haruko says.

Ninamori’s eyes open and she realizes she’s still in her bed alone. She looks around looking for Naota, and realizes her hand is by her pussy, soaking wet and warm. She then realizes she really is naked, like she had just been doing what she had dreamt. Her bra and thong are next to her, her thong torn.

Oh my…I really did orgasm…but…I wasn’t dreaming..that was real…wasn’t it? What the fu--
“It felt so good…how could it not of been real. I’m not…like…sex ridden…”

Wait…I know that voice, it was her! She freaks out for a minute, wondering if she’s around, and then looks at the time.

8:30! Perfect! I need to go wash my hand though, this is gross.

She gets up, naked still and goes to her dresser drawer. After putting on some new underwear, she slips back into her suite and goes downstairs.

“Is someone there!” she yells, almost forgetting about Haruko.

Wow, way to pay attention to detail…

But no one is there. She goes into the bathroom, takes a leak and washes her hands.
Shutting off the lights and locking the door, she walks up to Haruko’s bike and see’s she’s left her a helmet to go with the suite.

Strange…it’s like she left this stuff here for me…why would she do that though? There’s no time to think about that stuff though

She shrugs it off, hops on the bike and starts it up.

Wow! This thing is going to be fast! With a engine sounding like that, there’s no way it can’t be
She slips the helmet on and backs out flipping the lights on. She then clutches it , and floors it.
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Postby dennis20014 » Fri Nov 21, 2008 5:28 am

What's up guys.
Finally updated.
Actually am going on break in a week from college, and will have time to write again. Have had lots of thoughts lately and am eager to get back into writing it. What I posted I had written along time ago lol and I guess never bothered to post it for you guys...or something..

Anyway. There was a sex scene I implemented with Ninamori and Naota (It was fake) but I thought it was kinda stupid and irrelevant to the story and made no sense, I guess I just put it in there for fodder, I'm not really sure why, can't recall. Anyway I cut most of it out, and just reworked the few sentences to progress further.

Got a GREAT IDEA finally now that Haruko is back and she can reveal whats up and all. this came to me the other day, I think fans will like its twist.

Enjoy
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Postby Revenant » Fri Dec 12, 2008 12:59 am

awesome awesome! I will wait for the next installment. And ya, the sex scenes seem to be pointless and to me are a bit jarring, but that's probably because I'm not really expecting them at all lol.
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Postby Dilan » Fri Dec 12, 2008 1:08 am

Nice. Very nice.
It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather we should thank god that such men lived.
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Postby Revenant » Fri Dec 12, 2008 5:14 am

Indeedarooni
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Postby Haz » Fri Dec 12, 2008 5:29 pm

bang ban
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Postby zilabus » Mon Dec 15, 2008 6:10 pm

YEAH! MORE! MORE! Didn't even read it. Just wanteds to feel important.
Insomnia wrote:zilabus is a funny dude, it's true. You can always count on him for some sort of biased, opinionated, sarcastic comment, no matter what the situation is. He's reliable. Like an old car. Or the neighborhood prostitute.
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Postby Haz » Mon Dec 15, 2008 8:22 pm

Didn't even read it. Just wanteds to feel important.

as did I sir zilabus
right hand man of funk

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Postby dennis20014 » Tue Jan 20, 2009 6:16 pm

Hahahah nice,
didn't read it...just wanted to feel important

Hahah I respect that. Anyway got new material for you guys, but I have no internet at the house right now (I'm at college)

will post ASAP or as close to as soon as possible which would be

ACASAP

lol


I need to beat that N.O Atomsk guy in views, I got about 5k to go though so I better pump it out like he does haha
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Postby Revenant » Wed Feb 25, 2009 6:06 am

haha need moar!
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Postby dennis20014 » Wed Feb 25, 2009 5:44 pm

Yea I really need to update. The thing is, I always get a writers block, then write a bunch, then stop again. I guess that's a good thing it gives me ideas. I'm not promising anything but check back soon. The site has a bunch more you can fool around with until then
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Postby Arthur Bichsel » Wed Feb 25, 2009 8:55 pm

Well take your time. I got about half way through it and had to get back to work. It's good. More will come to you in time.
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