Should this go here?

[Insomnia]

Lol, no worries. I have ADD, too. : P



...Not really, but, then again, it's the thought that counts.

[Revenant]

I enjoyed it!

[zilabus]

“Need a light?” Jackie asks, flipping a lighter out of his pocket. I oblige his offer and relish in the momentary irony of it all.
After all, I’m the one holding the gun.
I’m the one pressing it against the back of his head.

Amazing reveal number one.

And then I get up, and walk back up the cliff side to the car, the engine still running, the driver door open. But first, I put on my headphones and play a song that reminds me of somebody I once knew. I light another cigarette with my lighter. I take off my tinted glasses and try to pull myself together.

Amazing reveal number two.

(Almost made it in) The fireworks AREN'T FIREWORKS!?!?!?

Those are the two greatest moments in my opinion, because they suddenly wildy change your perspective. Honestly, you could hinge the entire story (if it was a full length novel) purely around these two reveals. And I think that's where you did best. I almost wish you hadn't done the second one, because some of my favortie writing in the story was the jarring role reversal. Jackie is totally calm, composed, and he's in control of the situation. He's telling the narrator to shut the fuck up, and calling him on his bullshit. The narrator is shakey, freaking out, and trying to stay in control of the situation very dearly. And yet he has the gun. That was amazing writing right there, because it was totally compelling and believable.

Now, for a name. Why not name it "Fireworks" or "Orange tinted" Or something?

[ninamori tsuki]

heh. post it in small chunks. that length or maybe a bit shorter if you do. i'll read it then. i can't sit down and read that much in one moment or i get bored. :/

ALSO DONNY DARKO = THE SHIT

[zilabus]

ALSO DONNY DARKO = THE SHIT

It's pretty much impossible to deny that.

[ninamori tsuki]

ALSO DONNY DARKO = THE SHIT

It's pretty much impossible to deny that.

my point is indesputable. ;D


did you hear about the second donny darko movie? from his sister's point of veiw. pisses me off. d<

[Insomnia]

Yeah. I saw it. It sucked. It's pretty much just safe to ignore it. It wasn't made by the same director, or anything, and the plot was all, "oh noez, lets save the world again through time travel!"

It almost ruined the first movie for me.

[ninamori tsuki]

well this angers me . . .



WRITE MOAR NAO. D<

[Maskan]

fuck you, baby =D

[cd2220]

**** you, baby =D

obvious troll is obvious

[zilabus]

Yeah. I saw it. It sucked. It's pretty much just safe to ignore it. It wasn't made by the same director, or anything, and the plot was all, "oh noez, lets save the world again through time travel!"

It almost ruined the first movie for me.

I didn't like how it dropped the mystery element, and the "what the fuck is happening" elements of the first one. In number one... (Spoiler) When you learn that fran was the guy that he shot! (ENd spoiler)

And turned it into a watered down adventure story through time.

[Haz]

I have only one thing to say...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4BZl7pR- ... re=related

LETS DO THE TIME WARP

[Insomnia]

I've never seen The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Is it good?

[yellowrock]

hey haz, protip: you can remove the & and everything after it, that stuff isn't important to the link.

[FLCL Freak]

Good read, it was put togather well for a shot story. And the way that you wrote you paragrphs was a nice touch. But I figured jakie wasn't real when he seemed undetered by a gun to his head. Good writin keep it up.